So exhausted

Now that it is June, 2010, the date I was nominated for departure for the Peace Corps and I am still in Arizona, I am just a little frustrated. There have been A LOT of challenges with my medical paperwork, although I always considered myself relatively healthy, my luck has been strange just this year. To put this into a better context, I should provide a timeline, like any other good Peace Corps blogger has done before:

January, 2010: Submitted Application
January 22nd, 2010: Interview with recruiter, nominated for "HIV/AIDS Education in Africa, for departure in June 2010".
February 9th, 2010: Officially nominated on Peace Corps website.
February 22nd, 2010: Legally cleared.
March 11th, 2010: First series of medical appointments, met with doctor and discussed history of asthma, severity and he basically told PC that I would be fine if I had a constant supply of inhalers handy...Also finished medical questionnaire but made follow-up appointment for other tests.
March 18th, 2010: Had a two hour visit to the dentist-no cavities (!!) but a small "area to watch". X-Rays and Paperwork were sent.
March 22nd, 2010: Second appointment with Dr., received vaccinations for yellow fever and polio, also TB test. Referred to a lab for CBC and all other blood tests.

April 21, 2010: Went to lab, where they drew two vials of blood after I waited 4.5 hours! This whole process is really teaching me patience...just keep your eye on the prize!!
April 24, 2010: Finally sent off ALL of my medical paperwork. Now just waiting, waiting
April 30, 2010: There is a medical hold placed on my account.

May 2010: Turns out the Dr. had not requested a "CBC"-the test has to be taken (more blood drawn) and had not included the results of my Pap. Called the Dr. had them reprint all of my medical paperwork (the nurse on the phone didn't "know which one was my pap results". Had them fax a request to the lab requesting a CBC.

Mid-May, 2010: The lab still hadn't "received the fax", so I called the Dr. back to have them re-fax the request. I also found out that the Dr. had not taken the right cells for my Pap, so PC wants an "entire history", proof of no abnormalities. So I drove across town to fill out a medical release form, and had my entire pap history printed.
The PC also requests a test proving I have been "asymptomatic for the past six months" for my ib profen induced gastritis (I had been taking IB Profen constantly for minor aches and pains since I was about nine, it finally caught up with me and caused stomach bleeding)...so I called the Dr. requesting another PAP and this fun little test they have you take home to test for blood...

End of May: Completed second Pap this year and take-home poop test to prove I'm not plagued with a bleeding ulcer. I was starting to feel really good at this point-I had unnecessarily high expectations that a miracle would come through and I'd be medically cleared and placed by the end of next month!!

June 7th, 2010: Not gonna happen. I got a call from the Dr. saying that my Pap results were "slightly abnormal"... not sure what this means exactly but I'm sort of terrified. I was referred to an OBGYN but they could not get me an appointment until June 22nd, and they said that a follow up may be required--either 3-6 months after!!


So....this brings us up to speed. I'm not really sure what I'm feeling really. I felt like I was so ready last September when I started my application and now I'm more ready than ever. I have very vivid dreams about it all the time, I think it's because I've been blog stocking PCV's and living vicariously in my dreams....I know I shouldn't be discouraged, the PC recommends a 9-12 month process and if anything, I am very relieved that they are so thorough with their medical checks, especially considering that quality health care most likely will not be available--it's good to know I'm relatively healthy before I leave. I had no idea that my rbc count was healthy before now. However, I am really anxious and sort of nervous about what this means for my future. I assumed several things:

1. I would be "there" by now--wherever "there is".
2. During my medical process and due to all of the delays, I had read on the PC website that volunteers do not leave any sooner than 6 weeks but usually 2-3 months out, so I just assumed it would not be until fall at this point when I would be expected to leave. So, I have made plans to volunteer at an organization in Portland, OR this summer and also to visit a Fulbright scholar in Cairo, Egypt--which I thought both experiences would be incredibly valuable to my pursuit of a PC assignment, (for the volunteer experience and cross cultural exposure, especially in a developing country and on the same continent in which I hope to work!!) However, my recruiter advised against these, due to the fact that I may be considered for "immediate departure" since I was nominated for this month. Now I am not sure what to expect, and I already purchased my plane ticket. He said that changing my departure date may be extremely detrimental to my application-showing a lack of motivation and urged me to "revisit my motivation for joining". I don't think an already booked trip to Cairo shows a lack of motivation, I think it will really help me adjust in the long-run. If anything, I am MORE motivated than ever-I have come so far, and I AM NOT going to let a medical test ruin this opportunity. And I'd never forgive myself if I jeopardized THE EXPERIENCE of a lifetime in order to see the pyramids.... So I can do one of three things:

A. Cancel my trip to Cairo and Portland, stick around to see what happens with health (keeping my health insurance and $$ in the bank), but I'd also miss out on a trip of a lifetime and eat just about $1,000.00 that the non-refundable plane ticket cost. (-): Debt, missing out on great opportunities (+) Would get to see the AZ monsoon, be insured "just in case"...esp. if PC needs further testing, would prove my commitment to PC, even if they would want me to depart in July/August.

B. Keep my trip to Cairo planned, cross my fingers and hope that PC wouldn't send me until September/October 2010 (which my testing might last until then anyway)... (-): They might decide to send me earlier, making this option non-existent. (+) take the gre before I leave, pack and plan, everything works out...does this ever happen?

C. Move to Portland for 6 weeks and go to Cairo then do the Peace Corps=complete satisfaction.

What it comes down to is this: I've been ready since I applied. I don't doubt that this would be the best and hardest experience of my life. It's all I think about and if I had it my way I'd be leaving next week for Tanzania, as my friend will be doing. But now that I have been waiting so long for this to happen, I thought I start making things happen because I don't even know if I've been accepted yet. So Portland and Cairo seemed like good things to do in the meantime, as I wait. But now it's all crashing down on me and I may have sabotaged my dreams...It has been one of the hardest things so far to put my entire life on hold after college to await the fate of my next two years....

I talk to my recruiter tomorrow about what this medical glitch may mean for my departure date and what adjusting my availability to September or October of 2010 may mean for my application... this would be so ideal, I'd have enough time to pack, get some more volunteer experience, teach HIV/AIDS 101, defer my loans, take the gre, travel a bit, say my goodbyes and prepare for the experience of a lifetime!! But I don't think anything ever goes as planned...

So my "ideal timeline of the future"/ hypothesized timeline looks like this:

June 22nd: Dr.'s appointment
June 30th: Move to Portland
July 1st: Start at OAI, find HIV/AIDS outreach programs in Portland, OR.
July 5th: Receive results of Pap-completely normal, no follow up needed.
July 6th: Send medical results, take GRE.
July 11th: Recieve medical clearance
July 15th: Receive PO, get second interview.
July 20th: Get invitation for Ethiopia/Morocco/Cameroon or Togo, which leave in September.

August 14th: Fly back to Phx, depart next morning for Cairo, brush up on French.
August 31st: Return to Phx, start packing.
September: Say goodbyes, prepare for the toughest/best experience of my life.
Mid-September: Depart for Africa.

Then begins the next 27 months....I'm crossing my fingers