Dear servers and all customer service representatives:

I just want you to know that all of us need to unite to reveal to the general public how incredibly impatient, irrational, idiotic and unnerving the general public is.

FOR EXAMPLE, in the past two shifts as a waitress, I dealt with an older woman who told me the coffee was so horrible that I, me, ruined HER "dining experience". A man said I was not paying enough attention to him although I was at his table while he was making this comment to my manager, and proceeded to be incredibly rude to a fellow co-worker because she was refilling their waters without-OH GOD-no ice! His entire table decided to ask me what each item on the menu was, despite the fact there is something called a "description" right under the menu item-that is usually how it works.

Let me just lie down some guidelines:
1. IT IS JUST FOOD- stop acting like you will DIE if something goes wrong, we are only human, everyone makes mistakes and you can usually get what you want regardless so RELAX.

2. Which brings me to my second point; stop trying to get FREE FOOD. The staff WILL realize if you have had more than one (1) birthday within a week, so please stop coming in for your free $2.00 dessert.

3. USE WORDS- if you need something, or have a request, please do not shake your glass for another beverage or look at your sever and draw a check mark in the air indicating you would like the bill. Here's a hint-if I can see you making that gesture, chances are I would hear you say "May I please have the check"?

3. STOP BLAMING PEOPLE UNNECESSARILY, I am not responsible for your wait time nor am I responsible for how good your food tastes. Please realize my role in your dining experience and refrain from venting your frustrations about parking troubles on me.

4. Please, THINK about your question before you ask and waste my time. As servers we are very busy even though you may not realize it, do not ask me about every menu item or an item that is not on the menu when you have clearly not READ the menu. I am not a menu.

5. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD-WE MAKE $3.75/HOUR, TIP ADEQUATELY. IT IS 2010, 15 % IS NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE, AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT 10%.

6. Please refrain from using overly used antidotes, such as when your server asks, "May I bring you anything else tonight?" and you respond with "Yeah, a million dollars!", or state that "dessert was horrible" when you are clearly licking the plate. We have ALL heard these repeatedly and are growing tired of forcing fake laughter just so you'll feel good about your clever remarks.

7. Have common sense-if you have ALLERGIES- it's a good idea to STATE them at the BEGINNING or just stay home. E.g: if you have a soy allergy, DO NOT EAT AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT.

8.This is not BURGER KING- if you are in a hurry/ want it YOUR WAY-stay home.

9. WATCH YOUR CHILDREN-we are not babysitters.

10. DO NOT have a conversation with each other while ignoring your server, you will be ignored the rest of your meal because you are getting what you deserve.

11. DO NOT EVER touch your sever-examples include poking, patting, hitting, pulling or throwing bread (actually happened) to get their attention; it is their job to notice you, be patient.

12. Please understand that customer service and serving are incredibly difficult and exhausting trades, and unless you have done either one, you have no idea what we put up with, so please have some consideration.

Thank you and please realize some of these things before ever entering a restaurant and hopefully we will not have to spend so much money on liquor in order to cope with what we deal with on a daily basis.